Your Spring Relationship Cleaning checklist…do you have one? Like everything else, relationships go through cycles and phases… sometimes we face really long, long harsh and lonely droughts, or painful, drawn-out intense periods, or perhaps you're currently enjoying the "pink cloud” effect of a new love! Wherever you find yourself, I am here to help you get ready for Spring...the time to come out of the darkness into the light, re-new, fluff up, or just take yourself in a fresh direction!
Here’s your checklist so you can get started right away:
Relationships of the romantic kind typically fall into three categories; ME, THEM and WE~
Part 1: ME: (this means YOU)
Like I always say, Great relationships begin within, which means: there is no WE without me (YOU). So best to take a look at where we are at with ourselves first!
- Do you have a daily spiritual practice? Self Inquiry? Meditation? Therapy? Yoga, moving meditation of some kind? My favorite is my SHOMI method, a body-centered practice of self inquiry.
- How’s your self-esteem and self-worth? Scale of 1-10. (Clue, check in with the last few people you’ve dated and ask yourself what they would say about you (good and bad) and compare it to how you feel about yourself.) Depending on the results this will tell you what areas you need to work on; ie, she’s too needy, jealous, controlling, dominant. Self Love RX: Give that very thing to yourself or feel heal and deal with whatever stands in the way!
- How’s your mental health? Are you happy and sound? Depressed, anxious? Need therapy or to go back? On medication?
- How’s your relationship with your sexuality? Do you feel good about yourself sexually speaking? How about the opposite sex or preference? Do you like sex? Want more or less? Need to heal some past stories or painful traumas or unresolved issues?
- How’s your health and wellness? Do you have a fitness and diet regimen? Listen to your body. Do you drink heavily, use drugs ? Smoke, on meds? Are you at your ideal healthy weight? When was the last time you had your annual physical, blood work, mammogram, gyno, etc? Do you go to the dentist regularly?
- Are you self-sustaining? How are your finances and credit? Do you have a steady income? Do you have a career? A five-year plan? Do you need some additional training or have you finished school? Do you own a home, have a stable place to live?
- What’s your purpose? What do you stand for? What are your special gifts and talents? What are you passionate about? How much time do you devote to service?
I know the list seems like a lot but really if you think about it, it's nowhere near the list you have for possible mates! Which brings me to my next point ~ so many of us have a tall list of things we want but fail to really look at what we are actually bringing to the party! Here’s a secret: If you attend to the first list the list yo're about to make will be exponentially easier to manifest! It’s a physics law, you know it well probably by now. It's called the Law of Attraction. I mean really why, if you haven’t attended to yourself, would you expect someone else to have themselves together? Please don’t bother trying to fake it, in the end we all reveal what’s true or end up destroying a relationship because we can’t keep up what’s fake! So, to re-cap: Take stock, check in, check it off or chuck it! Then up your self-love and self-care practices and régime accordingly! NEXT…
Part 2: THEM (the person you want to be with, have been with or are with now, simply change the tense to suit your purposes if you are in a relationship now)
- What do you want? What kind of person do you want to be with? Do you believe you are worthy of this person (If not, GO BACK to Part 1)
- Have you made your list? What are your non-negotiables? Preferences? Likes, dislikes? Their values, interests. Temperament, spiritual inclinations, personality traits, etc. Pull out all the stops! (Don’t forget though to double check if you are what you want. Helps keep you honest and in choice rather than need.)
- Have you cleaned up and cleared away your past relationship baggage? Healed old wounds? Made amends? Paid back debts? Or collected things that are due you? Including your POWER!
- Do you need to forgive someone or yourself? People who you felt hurt or betrayed you?
WE: What are you willing to do about creating this relationship? This is the part where you decide together how the relationship is going to be.
- Do you have a relationship plan? A relationship toolbelt? Tools and skills that will help you make this a sustainable and healthy one?
- Have you done your due diligence? Taken care to make sure this person is who they say they are, does what they say they will. Have you done a background check?
- How willing are you to take responsibility for your own happiness?
- How responsibly do you communicate? Are you a blamer or a victim? Are you a control freak? How will you negotiate difficult or emotional situations or issues?
- Do you know how to make consciousness agreements? Agreements that set the relationship up to succeed. Will you agree to therapy if things get tough? Will you marry, live together? Share finances? Who will work? What about children? What if something happens, how will you support each other?
- Do you respect and trust each other? If not why? How can you heal...it or can you?
- Are you committed to each other's growth first and foremost and under all circumstances, even the dark nights of the soul, illness, menopause, miscarriage, loss of job, libido, hair, beauty? Add whatever I have left out.
- Under what circumstances will you leave? SAY IT, better now than later!
Email me with any questions, firstname.lastname@example.org. Wishing you all blessings!