Mastering the art of the inner-view is worth every effort; slowing down, taking time to get to know someone and asking the tough questions, waiting to see if someone’s answers are revealed in their actions, remembering all the while that real love cannot be negotiated and great relationships begin within. And why not? What better investment is there when it comes to the real thing; authentic connection, the foundation for a loving, lasting relationship? Unless you’re convinced posturing, playing games, and being insincere in an effort to gain power or avoid being hurt is the way to go. Either way, finding out that the person you are sincerely interested in is; already in a relationship, married with 2 children, has absolutely no interest in being in a relationship with you, or just wants to use you for sex, isn’t pleasant. And if being in a great relationship were really as simple as having the right chemical reaction at the right time, stating the obvious would be way more fun (and I wouldn’t be writing this blog).
Just as a reminder: I wrote this blog so you could see or find the value in taking care to sincerely make every effort to get to know someone before you get too intimate, setting yourself up to ultimately choose a partner that shares the same vision, values, passions and reality so you have the greatest likelihood of your relationship’s ultimate success.
Let’s get to that one thing you should know before you head out on a first date, as promised in the last blog. We have talked about the importance of checking out who someone else is, what they are bringing to the “party,” but we haven’t really talked much about what will happen when the shoe is on the other foot; when the person you’re interested in starts asking YOU.
I was just thinking this morning, "What if I were single, what would I be afraid of someone asking me, or maybe want to take my time divulging?" You may not want to mention a host of things to someone you have just met, but the bottom line is; whatever your secrets, they will eventually create separation if you don’t come to terms with them. There are some things we did and have enough distance from that we can joke about; then there are things we have done that we might feel ashamed of (or still be doing) that we would rather someone not know, ESPECIALLY when we first meet. The one thing you should keep in mind before you go out on a date is the expression “If you can dish it out, be prepared to take it!” Another way of saying that is; be kind and graceful when you ask the tough questions as a rule, but also because you know there are things you yourself may still feel tender about! This is an inquiry, not an investigation. Please be graceful when asking, forthcoming when asked.
Here are the five questions everyone looking for a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationship should ask (or find out) on a first date:
1. If the person is actually single; not married, separated sleeping in separate bedrooms, etc.
2. If they are available emotionally available (not still recovering from the last relationship)
3. If they want a real relationship or are just looking for a good time
4. Have had any long-term relationships or evidence that they are capable of commitment
5. If they want children, I know this is tough on a first date but could be a potential nightmare and heartache if you don’t get real about it right away!
So there you have it, my beloveds; listen to my weekly radio shows for more tips from me and other experts in creating healthy, fulfilling, stable relationships, beginning with yourself!