I approach the digital oracle with menacing eyes and pull it from its hiding place behind the dirty-clothes basket. I carefully but quickly place the shiny land mine on the bathroom floor and stand back, seeking the courage that will reveal my fate, I mean weight. “O mighty oracle, be kind,” I silently plead, “let me not awaken the fiery Fat Gods,
Read moreRelationship Spring Cleaning checklist
Your Spring Relationship Cleaning checklist…do you have one? Like everything else, relationships go through cycles and phases… sometimes we face really long, long harsh and lonely droughts, or painful, drawn-out intense periods, or perhaps you're currently enjoying the "pink cloud” effect of a new love! Wherever you find yourself, I am here to help you get ready for Spring
Read moreUnderstanding your emotions as aspects of your soul
These ideas from Chinese Medicine spoke to me; here's a paper I wrote for Dr. Alan Kilpatrick at Pacifica Graduate Institute, “Emotions and Chinese Medicine.” According to psychologist and behavioral scientist Paul Eckman’s pioneering research on human emotions, we bipedal creatures cross-culturally share six basic emotions: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise.
Read moreWho would you be without your story?
Imagine you’re in seventh grade and you see someone across the courtyard you like (“like” defined as: a warm, compelling feeling based largely on superficial and unexamined factors). And let’s say, for example, some of those factors include: this person looks like a Greek God (or Goddess), has sun-bleached hair, tanned skin, Chicklet-white teeth, and is wearing a strand of puka shells around their neck.
Read moreFour ways to find your tomorrow me
Have you ever heard the phrase “Keep doing what you’re doing, get more of what you got,” made popular by Werner Erhard? Either way, you will soon see why this truth begs an introduction to what I call your “tomorrow me”! That’s the YOU that’s here today representing the you of tomorrow (and the next day, and so on).
Read moreShow me the money! 46 questions to ask yourself for clarity and control
This week I have a few questions for you. More often than we are willing to admit we are drawn to relationship for external reasons: money, security, fear of being alone, children, validation, sex, boredom, or to avoid dealing with (or to be rescued from) another situation. Let’s take on money first!
Read moreFeeding the Dark Wolf
Yesterday started like many another: I woke up. Normally I am grateful I’m on the right side of the ground, count up the hours I slept peacefully, pause to recall and explore my dreams, evaluate any disturbances, and inquire into my feeling state. Then I ritually discuss mutual inquiry with my husband. At which point my Reubenesque cat, Leila, hurls herself directly into my face purring at full throttle,
Read moreConnecting with Nature
When I was a kid I figured Nature was basically a guy thing, the same way I supposed wearing wigs, for example, was primarily a girl thing. That’s probably because when I was growing up it was men who did things like hunt, spear, shoot, capture and in some cases kill while the females stayed, let’s say, nearer to the hearth (or shopping mall).
Read morePraying backwards
What if life and death were just two towns along the same highway, and your body was a vessel given to you as a gift, a transport system to carry your soul from one place to the next? What if everything you did or thought, and everything you consumed or said
Read moreSingle for Valentine's Day?
A reporter asked me to help him with his column the other day, and his first question was: “Valentine’s Day is coming up. But where can you meet someone if you’re single?” I replied, “That's like asking me where to go eat when you're hungry. First you need to tell me what you like, what you are hungry for?
Read moreTop 5 male mating myths
Here are the top 5 male mating myths: let me know if you have other suggestions!
1) All the good ones are taken;
2) A man’s penis has a mind of its own;
3) All men only want one thing;
4) Men are dogs;
5) Good guys are boring.
Sound familiar? Let's take a closer look.
Read moreIs your password strong?
A very attractive single mom recently told me this story: She had met a man and felt sure he was the man of her dreams. There was a synchronicity about their meeting she could not ignore; the chemistry was electric and the sex, she said, was the best she had ever had—in her life, I might add. It had to be love, she gushed! But she had a question for me. “What do you think this means?
Read moreSeparating the B___ from the Sh&*#!
The other day I was headed to a yoga class. I noticed that my watch and the clock in my car were 10 minutes apart, which meant that if my watch was right I might be late, which meant I might not find a place to park, lay my mat in my favorite spot by the door, or even get in class. So what did I do? What any good American chasing the American dream going to a yoga class would do, I sped up!
Read moreNew Year's Intention 2015
This morning I sat cross-legged close to the fire, guzzling my green tea as if it could cure my post-Xmas hangover, thinking how quickly it all goes. It was just 12 hours ago that I fell into bed after our annual ritual family feast of sugar and fat that this year without exaggeration started with warm chocolate chip scones and unforgiveable loads of See’s candy, which led to chips, followed by of course more chips, sour-cream infused dips, cream cheese-filled meat, and then just obscene amounts of
Read more7 ways to set yourself up—to succeed in the New Year!
Can you remember what your New Year’s resolutions were last year? How did that work out for you? Let’s see, mine were: to be less judgmental, and to slow down and take myself less seriously. No easy task for the hyper-vigilant monster that dwells deep in (and, unfortunately, outside) my subconscious. In the hopes of luring and capturing this beast of burden,
Read moreThe best gift ideas of all!
It’s easy to get besieged by the sheer volume the holiday season brings with it. And while much of what we are actually celebrating and why gets buried underneath our “list” (which seems to grow each year, and not always in proportion to our bank account), there’s plenty of time to resurrect the Joy the season has to offer by revisiting what it actually means to give!
Read moreDevelop great Mate-dar!
You’re single and want to meet that someone special NOW! Especially since we are going into a fresh new year, right? So naturally your Mate-dar (your ability to suss out a great mate) is turned up a notch. Or so you think. Truth is, Mate-dar is only as good as its end user.
Read moreNaughty or nice, presence or presents?
Why can’t we have both? Here’s an email I got recently: “I wanted to thank you also for your story about "presence" that you told at your talk at Open Secret Book Store in San Rafael. I had an important experience of that this weekend. I have been contemplating dating a man I met recently
Read moreWhich offers a greater opportunity for healing: an amends or forgiveness?
Say you’ve been hurt, and on a scale of 1-10, it’s a solid 11. Some time has passed, and now, due to its magnitude, this hurt has turned into a wound – possibly even a debilitating one replete with anxiety, depression; the works. Maybe at one point you didn’t even know how you would survive the pain; just the thought of it could take you down. But then eventually you moved on
Read more5 Ways to Go from Gobble Gag to Gobble Grateful
If I read one more email about gratitude I just might…be more grateful. LOL. I know, I know…Thanksgiving doesn’t always make us feel instantly grateful. For some of us this Epic Holiday is like a gigantic beacon reminding us of what’s not quite right. Could be that someone’s missing, or maybe you feel displaced, out of touch, or not as connected to your family in the way you have been or would like to be right now.
Read more