One of my favorite Maryanne mantras is (with gestures): you have to learn how to use this (your head) before you do this (have sex) so you don’t break this (your heart)! And for many of us we can sadly add…again. Sounds simple enough, right? Yeah, well, we all know that when we get the urge to merge it can be so intoxicating that we give in to it, hoping this chemistry will magically translate into Happily Ever After. Yes, I did say you break your own heart, ‘cause love doesn’t happen outside yourself, and while your heart may feel broken, the heart cannot break per se. Love and the heart, like everything else, is energy—in this case, when it comes to relationships, a shared field of energy. Given that energy does not break, rather it changes form, how then can we avoid this painful changing of form, perhaps, for some of you, again?
The easy answer is; you cannot, as the only thing constant in life is change. I am sure that is not the answer you were looking for. Unfortunately however, it’s as true as the fact that the sun is the sun—no matter how much you may not want it to set, that’s what it does and there is nothing to do but accept it. Unless you’re hopelessly romantic or convinced you’ll be the first person who ever lived to successfully stop it, so you’ll chase the sun trying to convince yourself it’s possible, like so many of us do with love.
As for me, I felt my heart had been slain a thousand times by men and love; my dreams had been trodden on, discarded, discounted; you name it, I felt it! I decided that I would narrow my search. Instead of the perfect relationship, I would seek the thing that would never leave me, abandon me, dispose of me, ignore me, be indifferent to me; the one something that would always be true. I would look for the highest truth of all, the real Happily Ever After, and I wouldn’t stop until I found it. While I am happy to say that after many years of searching I did find real and true lasting love, ironically, it was in the last place I thought to look—inside of me and in my own heart. Not in someone else’s embrace or bed, not actually with anyone else at all. Looking back I would say, after all these years of becoming heart smart, discovering that the field of love I had sought for so long is inside of me continues to be one of the greatest gifts and highest truths I have ever awakened to. In addition to realizing the fact that no one can break our hearts, we see we have no need to seek for love, simply rather to discern those people whom share this reality from those who don’t. Hence, the inner-view.
Since we are love, we now set out to selectively share our lives with people who share similar values and beliefs, who agree that attracting and creating a healthy, fulfilling relationship is about more than chemistry—it’s about, soul, spirit, compatibility, and respect. So let’s together set our sights a bit higher than our hoo hoos, and get and be heart smart together, so we can live in harmony with the way we were designed and intended.
Five steps to being heart smart: Develop a practice of self-inquiry; the mind is here to serve our body so we can follow our spirit. Remember, love is a field and energy, and just because you FEEL love near or towards someone doesn’t mean they are the best choice for you. Part of loving yourself means not compromising your safety, integrity, or heart’s desires. Understanding that sex feels good and ultimately triggers expectation and attachment, think it through before you do. Just because you think love happens outside yourself doesn’t mean it’s true! Be a seeker of higher truth!